the benefits of apnea

Some people would think that sleep apnea is a bummer, not me. Just last night as things heated up for me as menopause approaches I ask my dear spouse to put on his machine and oscillate. He commented that it wasn’t the easiest way for him to sleep, but for his love for me, he so generously offered to do that, just for me.

When there isn’t a lot to say but a lot to do

This time of year creeps up on you, the beginning of beginnings. Definitely a time to look back at the year before but not enough time to dwell on it because there is so much in front of you to do and see and learn and figure out how to do it all.

This year I am going to try not to procrastinate, even though I’m very productive when I procrastinate, the house gets clean, I manage to complete the crossword puzzle and the laundry gets put away and of course visiting
my friends and neighbors who can use a helping hand. If I could only do the work that sits on my desk that other people are waiting for me to do.  Even writing  a blog is procrastinating but… then again… there’s so much to do and the work will always get done and it IS STILL SUMMER so maybe it’s not procrastinating .  This article link is called structured procrastination and I think speaks to my issues. I do get a lot done and I still get my work done but I guess it would be better not getting the work done at 2 in the morning.

Two Years

My mom has been gone for two years.  There are so many times I can hear her voice, see her reaction and understand the things she had said to me.  I like wearing some of the nicer clothes she wore and especially the jewelry that she loved. Each piece had a story and a place and a time she got it.  I even learned how to knit from a close friend of hers. I never had the time or the patience when she was here for her to teach me, so having her sweet friend show me was delightful. There is only about 12 inches of a scarf but I can sense she’s happy I’m doing it.  When I found her three bracelets in the pocket of her raincoat on the Shabbat before mother’s day and my birthday , I knew it was a gift from her. I had it made into one necklace and wear it as a connection. I don’t need to wear it to feel her, it just feels good to wear it.

Tonight two years ago was the last time I spoke to her. She wanted us to leave I think, because she was tired of us standing around her.  She was proud and did not want us crying over her. I don’t know if she knew that would be the last time, I can only think about it.

So I guess this day, the 16th of the month of Av, will be a time to mark off her passing and continue to see how she influences my life and the life of my family.

I celebrate her neshama, her soul, that has loved so many people and continues to work in the mysteries  of relationships of the people she touched.

A light, a candle is lit, prayers are said, fasting clears the path and a visit to her grave.  These are the things to do  since it’s been Two Years.

A day of perspective

The next day is always better. I put aside my thoughts yesterday about how people look at art. That was what I was going to blog about after visiting the Chihuly exhibit for the fourth time, but the passing of my pet took over.

Looking at something new for the first time is really challenging. I want to understand what the artist is trying to do, trying to say to  their audience and how and why they choose to make what they make.  The exhibit at the MFA that is ending this Sunday is one of the finest exhibits I have ever seen.  The presentation is thorough if you partake in the  IPOD tour  and read what the museum and the artist have to say at each exhibit. If you don’t, then you are left with what the people around you are saying, or what the person you went with is saying and doing.  And then there is the picture taking,wanting to capture what you see to remember it when you leave. Or the pictures where you put people in it with the art, like that image becomes the art as in the top of my blog heading.

And then there is the idea of making more art from the photos of his work and doing stuff with it , like blowing up the images of the Persian room and putting them on your ceiling at home. ( that was an idea a grandmother had for her grandson who was getting bored and she wanted to make it more personal for him. )It worked, he started to image what it would look like on his ceiling and then saw so many more details that he otherwise would have missed.

I think we all want to relate to art in some way. Whether it’s doing art or appreciating it and sharing our experiences of what we see.

Yesterday as we were leaving the museum the 2 young girls and I  st0pped into another gallery that had Monet and Lichtenstein on two walls.  They didn’t know what they were looking at until I asked them if they could see anything the same between the two. It took a while for them to even see the Rouen Cathedral and how each artist portrayed it as it opened them up seeing not just an image but how color and light can be so beautiful.

The best part of looking at art is just taking the time to look at it, letting your eye’s camera take it all in.

Saying goodbye is hard to do

It sounds so cliche and we say goodbye all the time but when it’s forever what does it mean?

I said goodbye to my pet today and it was a decision that I had to make and one that I think she helped me make. She was old,15, and diabetic and she really couldn’t get around very well, especially up and down the stairs.  We never knew if she was going to be there in the morning and when one hard night came and she still was there the next day I sort of knew her end was coming soon.

It’s a sad time these 9 days for me, it will always be. My mom passed away just a week after the 9 days 2 years ago and I didn’t get to say goodbye.

-there’s no equating a mother and a cat

-there’s no equating something that happened thousands of years ago

-there’s no equating all the bad things that happen in this time period

It all gets back to how you look at it.

My second son was born on the 9th day of AV.

I spent a lovely morning with a delicious baby and two sweet girls and their mom seeing the Chihuly exhibit again for my 4th time .

I get to think about how to make a better place for people in my life.

And I try to tread softly and speak kindly and take care of myself along the way.

My cat died today and it was a hard thing to do.

Add another thing to my list

Today was the day I decided to just enjoy myself for the sake of enjoyment.  It’s hard to do that, I’m not on vacation, I’m not entertaining someone from out of town, and I didn’t just work really hard on something where I needed a break.  A friend invited me to sit, swim and play at the lake with my dog and her with her dog.

It was 98 degrees outside and I could have just stayed inside with the A/C and found something to do. My dog would have laid at my feet waiting for something to happen. The phone would have rang and it did , but I missed the call and went to the lake, dog and all.

A dog is sort of like having a two year old at the lake, and it’s been a while. Either he was tied up and trying to jump on us or he was finding dead fish and he needed to leave it. In the water was the best, swimming and keeping his head out of the water and then climbing all over me as it seemed I was saving his life.  If I went out swimming by myself he stood at the shore and cried to come take him out.  If I was eating something he wanted it and then there was the activities.  The dog passing by on the street, bark bark, the speed boat going by, just sit in amazement, and best of all my friend’s dog to rustle around with, sheer joy.

And tomorrow is another day!

 

When things get hard

I’ve been trying to do a lot a things I think about doing now that my schedule isn’t as routine. Here’s some of my list:

1. ride my bicycle around town whenever possible
2. walk everyday at least a mile
3. cook a new dish from a cookbook or invent a new recipe
4. write a new blog once a week
5. do artwork
6. build a fire myself in my fire pit and sit and watch the fire
7. let my children do their own thing

It seems that any of these things shouldn’t be so hard to do.So take #1 on the list,  when I’m late for something around town I immediately just jump in the car and drive the mile or so and back. So this week when I had a class at the other end of the lake and I had errands to do in the center of the town first, I thought about biking it all. It was that decision that was hard, would I be late to my class, could I carry all the things I needed with me, and could I get home in time for the next thing I needed to do? 

 I just did it. 

Got the key to the shed, put together all the stuff to take with me, selected the best clothing to wear, not too long a skirt and not too short, a hat that fits under the helmet, something to carry my phone in and ID, water to drink, and stop thinking about being late.  The ride was great except for some of the hills. I forgot that I hadn’t biked in a while and my legs weren’t as toned as I would have liked and at the end going up a steep hill at the community center where my class was, well it was really hard. That’s when I got this epiphany.

Just don’t look ahead at how hard something will be

Don’t look at how hard the hill is to get to the top. Just look down. Like Nike says “Just do it”,It was easier, I didn’t even peek until I was sure I was at the top of the hill and I did it without getting off the bike and walking it up as I had done many times before. If I didn’t think about how hard it was going to be, it became easier and a lot more enjoyable.

So, I go back to my list.

1. ride my bicycle around town whenever possible—don’t look up the hill
2. walk everyday at least a mile—back and forth to the lake til the docks is a mile!
3. cook a new dish from a cookbook or invent a new recipe—potato frittatta from the Spice and Spirit cookbook( a big hit by all)
4. write a new blog once a week—”when things get hard”
5. do artwork—maybe today?
6. build a fire myself in my fire pit and sit and watch the fire—last night, it was beautiful
7. let my children do their own thing—yes, I guess they’re still sleeping.